Where I left off: 21 years old and moving to North Carolina, just lost my maternal Grandmother and Aunt within the same year. Lost 30 pounds. In a lot of constant abdominal pain. Cannot even stand straight. Sometimes vomiting. I eat but nothing sticks. I'm tired. I'm weak. I just want to sleep. My mother packs my stuff, my cat, and me into a truck and we are off. Bye bye Western New York, bye bye childhood friends, bye bye extended family.
At this time in my life I'm not sure why this turmoil is happening to me. We all knew my Grandmother was dying, she had been in a decline for the better part of a year before she passed, but it doesn't prepare you. Doesn't mean you're ready to let that person go. She had always had health problems, battling polio as a child~ even becoming paralyzed for a time because of it. If it wasn't one thing it was another, but she never let it show. She never let it get her down. My Grandmother was a dynamic person, always seeing the good in people, a woman of unwavering faith, a beautiful artist, she inspired me.
My Aunt. Scheduled to die within six months of my Grandmother's passing. Diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer. She didn't realize her health problems were so severe as Breast Cancer. She had back problems, our family has a history of back problems. Those will go away eventually. But they didn't. So when she did go to a doctor it was too late, the cancer had spread thats why her back was so bad.
Not only did I watch my Grandmother die, I watched my Aunt die also. Another strong woman in my life. She was my mother's "second mother", the eldest daughter~ the second eldest of six kids, my mom being the baby, she was there for my mom: disciplining, dressing, feeding, giving advice. Even as a young adult my mother depended on her for so much support. And now her light was fading at a rapid rate.
I had barely begun my adult life and witnessed two supporting figures disappear from existence on this earth. I was devastated. I tried my hardest to keep my faith. The stress consumed me. And it ate me up from the inside out. My Aunt, battling Breast Cancer, offered her home to me because she saw my needs, my struggle to live on my own and go to college, but I couldn't accept it. It was too hard. A part of me wanted to move in so bad to help her and my Uncle out with whatever was needed, but the other part of me was completely mortified to have to witness another loved one slowly pass on. I guess I was selfish. No. I know I was selfish. Too busy feeling sorry for myself at the beautiful woman I was losing, it was easier to visit as often as I could rather than live with it every day until she died.
Doctors have their opinion on why Crohn's Disease decided to make an appearance in my system, the consensus nowadays seems to be a hereditary disorder. Not in my case. I know of no family member suffering from this debilitating disorder. Just me. But I have my own opinion on the "why"s.
Stress was the completing factor that invited Crohn's Disease into my perfectly healthy temple of the Holy Spirit. But stress was the last piece of the puzzle, other pieces played their part and fell into place slowly over the years.
And that is another story for tomorrow. Right now I just finished my dinner, still trying to organize my life, my health, and this blog. Eventually I will complete my journey from eight years ago to now, and then explore how I am going to control this with strictly diet and no meds. I hear you doctors all over the world crying and throwing their arms up in the air at me right now! I see your skeptical looks! And I will not be hindered! These drugs have made me better, but have also cost me a lot of money. And the piggy bank is negative. The odds are already stacked against me, its time to take some real risks.